Depression is horrible. It's crippling and it's humiliating and well-intentioned people who have never experienced it will tell you to "just snap out of it". People who love you, or who you consider friends, or anyone you make the mistake of confiding in, will tell you that you just have to push harder and it'll get better, it can't be that bad after all.
It becomes a horrible secret you carry alone when those closest to you refuse to acknowledge that it's real. The more you're told to just snap out of it and fail, you begin to create a self-fulfilling loop in your mind and the depression gains more mental traction. When those closest to you devalue your experience but the feelings you are experiencing are completely real, the natural reaction is to doubt yourself further. If your mother tells you to just push through it, or your dad says he "can't understand why anyone would need to see a therapist", or a well-meaning friend tells you to "just choose to be happy" and you simply can't, the depression becomes stronger.
You learn to stop asking for help, to stop talking about it, to stop seeking social interaction. You are afraid to be doubted and questioned by any more of the people close to you and so you avoid your friends. You avoid going out because there are other people you would have to talk to. The pain of the past merges with the daily pain and that is made stronger by the all-powerful fear of the future and you go to extreme lengths to limit all pain.
You hurt less if you stay somewhere safe, if you hide, if you run away. Your bed becomes a prison, because it's the safest place for you to be. Simple things like paying your bills on time, doing laundry, brushing your hair to look presentable become monumental challenges. There's no point to do any of it. You don't remember to eat food or drink water.
You hit the snooze button and wake up three hours later. It's a good day when you get out of bed before noon, and if you're dressed with brushed hair and a fed dog that is a true miracle. You avoid mirrors because your reflection haunts you.
Sometimes you remember what it felt like to be happy.
Your brain is rewiring itself to minimize the pain and you're not sure what version of yourself you'll wake up in the morning.
It becomes a horrible secret you carry alone when those closest to you refuse to acknowledge that it's real. The more you're told to just snap out of it and fail, you begin to create a self-fulfilling loop in your mind and the depression gains more mental traction. When those closest to you devalue your experience but the feelings you are experiencing are completely real, the natural reaction is to doubt yourself further. If your mother tells you to just push through it, or your dad says he "can't understand why anyone would need to see a therapist", or a well-meaning friend tells you to "just choose to be happy" and you simply can't, the depression becomes stronger.
You learn to stop asking for help, to stop talking about it, to stop seeking social interaction. You are afraid to be doubted and questioned by any more of the people close to you and so you avoid your friends. You avoid going out because there are other people you would have to talk to. The pain of the past merges with the daily pain and that is made stronger by the all-powerful fear of the future and you go to extreme lengths to limit all pain.
You hurt less if you stay somewhere safe, if you hide, if you run away. Your bed becomes a prison, because it's the safest place for you to be. Simple things like paying your bills on time, doing laundry, brushing your hair to look presentable become monumental challenges. There's no point to do any of it. You don't remember to eat food or drink water.
You hit the snooze button and wake up three hours later. It's a good day when you get out of bed before noon, and if you're dressed with brushed hair and a fed dog that is a true miracle. You avoid mirrors because your reflection haunts you.
Sometimes you remember what it felt like to be happy.
Your brain is rewiring itself to minimize the pain and you're not sure what version of yourself you'll wake up in the morning.
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